Elysium raises some of the issues I struggle with.
I sometimes fear that like Matt Damon’s character it is too late to save myself. I fear that the dreams I had might not be for me anymore. Maybe I have seen too much and done too much to be saved. Maybe all I do is build for the next generation.
There is good in this world. And then there is evil. Elysium made me think of how there are enough resources to go around everyone in this world. But political inequality will never let that happen. There is profit in the subjugation of your fellow man.
Last decade I was the real Kamikaze. I didn’t mind if my life ended. Then I wanted to go out in a blaze of glory. Some people close to me would commit suicide but I never had the courage to kill myself. Then knowing the odds I faced, I wanted to win or end it taking a lot of the enemy with me.
Since then I have changed. That was my reason for leaving Nigeria. I wanted to find that piece of myself that knew the joy of living. I felt that I had caused enough pain to those I loved most. I felt that if I went on the road I would find healing. I did. Surprising enough, I did.
Before I left Nigeria I had started driving off everyone in my life. My anger at myself was being transferred to those closest to me. It would take me a whole year away to figure out that I was depressed.
Its also why I blog. I seek catharsis. In being away, I understand the life my parents led and the events that shaped them and in turn how I was raised. The contents of this blog span events from my earliest memories and how they have shaped me into who I am. Recent events have led me to an outpouring of my emotions.
I plan to write my autobiography someday. I want a record of this moments of my life where like the phoenix I would rise from the ashes of my old life and begin life anew.